The Case for the Rum Old Fashioned

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The dulcet tones of a Steinway grand piano paint the interior of the 400-year-old bar with a hypnotic blend of energy, shadows, dappled light, and blessed evening cool. It’s like the aural version of a single-origin dark chocolate bar with bits of chili and cinnamon; a cool, enjoyable, bittersweet treat that delights your senses while lulling you into a head nodding half-seated bar stool trance.

“Hola papí, what can I get you?” Our bartender brings me back to my senses. I look at the relatively small bar shelf. It’s all top-notch liquor, but I can’t make heads or tails of it. The combinations don’t match up to a lot of IBA official cocktails, so I’m stuck. “Uh…” I trail off. Our bartender is an interesting guy; never reveals his name, attended Boston College, and works at our hotel on the north wall of Viejo San Juan, Puerto Rico. Speaks Spanish with a good deal more clarity than you typically hear near San Juan.

“How about a Rum Old Fashioned?” My ears perk up. I love a good old-fashioned. “Sure. Let’s do that.”

He selects a bottle of Ron del Barrilito 3-stars; a rum that seems to be a universal favorite of bartenders near San Juan. I observe the process with interest; 2oz Ron del Barrilito 3 stars, 3 dashes chocolate bitters, 3 dashes orange bitters, ½ oz simple syrup. Smoke the cocktail with a stone skull-shaped smoker and some oak shavings. Garnish with an orange curl and a cinnamon stick.

I take a whiff; the aroma is to die for, and the flavor is amazing. Spoiler alert; at most of the bars in Viejo San Juan, you can find slight variations on the Rum Old Fashioned, but they all follow the same pattern, and they’re all delicious. Some use Barrilito, some use Don Q, some use Bacardi, and if you go to Scryer, you can have one made with their house rum. It isn’t as much of a signpost as a Piña Colada on the rocks, but you find it everywhere. Like queso frito y salsa de guayaba, it isn’t the flashiest but it is delicious.

Two days later, we take an Uber to Hacienda Santa Ana, where lies the factory for Ron del Barrilito. Barrilito, Spanish for ‘Rum from the little barrel’, is a fantastic, complex rum made with rainwater in Jerez Oloroso Sherry barrels down the road from Casa Bacardí. Unlike their more world-famous neighbor, Barrilito doesn’t make it off the island very often; somewhere between 5-10% gets imported to the states.

Our destination is a mixology class, where, for a reasonable price, you get a tour, a free drink at the bar, and professional instruction on mixing three rum-forward cocktails. And then you drink them. In your own time. On the tour, we explore the bottling line, the maceración room, and two of the barrel aging warehouses. I highly recommend the experience if you’re in the area; you can find Bacardí anywhere, so if you only have time for one, make it this one.

In the mixology class, we make cocktails. One is a Rum Old Fashioned; two ounces of rum, 3 dashes chocolate bitters, 3 dashes orange bitters, ½ oz simple syrup, garnish with dehydrated orange peel and a cinnamon stick. It’s a tough call; is the Piña Colada on the rocks, or the Rum Old Fashioned, the better cocktail? If you’re using Barrilito, I think the Old Fashioned edges out the Piña Colada, but it’s a close race. The rest of the class prefers the Piña Colada.

We head back to the hotel, and our driver plays Héctor Lavoe on the radio. I find myself entranced again; every Uber driver up to this point has played crappy pop that sounds like Chris Brown speaking Spanish; Héctor Lavoe sounds like the second coming of Buena Vista Social Club. Maybe Puerto Rico only exports the low-quality stuff and keeps the good stuff on the island; I can’t find fault with that.

After a dinner of queso frito, salsa de guayaba and a Cuban sandwich, we wind up at the 400-year-old piano bar again, where I enjoy another Rum Old Fashioned. The bar has a few more guests this time, two of whom are a couple from North Carolina, who recently went to Iceland.

Iceland, apparently, has the world’s only phallological museum. They lay claim to 284 penises in their exhibit; from the world’s largest to the world’s smallest, and many penises in between. Nobody keeps a straight face. We all talk about penises for about a half hour, accompanied by the dulcet tones of a Steinway grand, and I sip on my Rum Old Fashioned, made with Barrilito 3-stars. I like to think that my face is serious, like an adult, but the whole time, I giggle like a child.

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Ben Wilson

Ben is a writographer that likes to travel and do things. He's been shot, pepper sprayed and even had to dress like a clown once. In addition, he has a really hard time talking to pretty girls sometimes.